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   The Hunt, The Challenge and The Capture

As a quality single, should I make the first move? Making the first move may bring disappointment or bring vast rewards. But if you hedge your bets against it, you will always lose out on perfect opportunities to meet other fun and exciting singles. Yes, some rejection may come your way. You'll inevitably grow from it with more confidence and determination. But the rewards of making the first move are beyond personal growth. You'll make great friends, have fun & exciting dates, and find your life long partner.

So, if you are serious about meeting and connecting with other singles, then you really have everything to gain and nothing to lose by making the first move.

If you still need a second opinion, we've found one. Tom Blake is the author of two relationship books and is an expert on dating after 50. Here is an excerpt from one of his many informative articles about dating and making the first move.


The Hunt, The Challenge and The Capture
By Tom Blake

A woman named Anne raised a question about this sentence: "No longer is a woman expected to wait for the man to make the first move," which appeared in a recent column.

Anne said: "I'm aware that a woman should show interest with a smile and a little flirting. I don't feel women should alter their behavior because there are more women than men.

When a woman pursues a man, it feeds his ego, but it's just temporary as he eventually loses interest in her."

Anne concluded: "In my experience, as well as my observations of others, the relationships that last are those in which men are challenged, hunt, and then 'capture' a woman's heart. How about some input?"

I hope people dating later in life-the second time around-are mature enough that they don't have to get into the challenge, hunt and capture game.

Dating can be simple. Two adults meet (regardless of which person said hello first), they like what they see, they get together. If each enjoys the other, they see each other more. If not, they move on.

If a woman enjoys a man, it's okay for her to tell him she'd like to see him again. If the man takes that as not enough of a challenge, or as a triumph, he's likely to be more into hunt and conquest, and less into a relationship. Walk away.

If a woman approached me, and said she'd like to have coffee, I'd appreciate her initiative and interest. I'm involved, so I would decline graciously.

A single man should be receptive to a woman's initiative. She might turn out to be the love he's hoped for, and had she not asked, perhaps they wouldn't have met.

Anne feels relationships that last are the ones where the men hunt, which I guess means the ones that don't last are where women have initiated the contact. That puts the value on who pursued whom, and discounts factors such as compatibility, caring, respect, and loyalty--qualities that make for a rich relationship.

I think Anne's assumption is wrong. The world is full of stories where the man pursued the woman, captured her heart, and then left to look for his next conquest. Lasting relationships should have nothing to do with which person pursued.

Women's roles have changed at home and in the workplace. Women seeking to get ahead in business don't wait around to be captured. They take matters into their own hands and make it happen. Why shouldn't their roles change in the dating arena as well?

This has nothing to do with there being more single women than men, even though, if I were a single woman, I would be aware of that statistic, and believe me, most are.

Some women still want courtship like the old days--to be a challenge, and then pursued, and finally won over. That's their choice, but they may miss an important opportunity to meet a person with whom they'd match up well.

I'm suggesting women be more assertive (note: I'm avoiding the word "aggressive"), which may mean making the first move.


Tom Blake writes a column called "Single Again" for The Orange County Register in Southern California. He has written more than 600 columns about middle-age and senior dating, finding love, senior singles, remarriage, living together, middle age singles and yes even sexy seniors over the past nine years.

Tom's latest book: "After The Healing: A Guide Book for Widowers and Widows," is an e-book and available at his site, Love After 50.


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